ways to ease the pain
by eli-DL
Summary: this story takes place after Finn outs Santana. Trigger warning! (cutting,suicide attempt,talk about drugs)
1. Chapter 1

Ways to ease the pain:

**Author note: **

**So this is a story I started writing about a year ago, and I kind of lost my inspiration, but now I have a new one!  
this story is my way to let everything out.  
I've been cutting for a long time, and now I've been clean for more than a month.  
this is my first fanfiction in two years, and the first for this account, so please don't kill me if it's not any good.  
disclaimer- glee not mine, Adam, Emily, Chris and Xavier are mine.. **

**Summery- after Finn outs Santana, she runs home and tries her best to ease the pain, but drags herself for the worse of things…**

**warnings- self-harm, use of drugs and alcohol,suicide. MAY TRIGGER!  
_**

**Chapter 1 **

**Santana's POV'**

_Hey, Santana, why don't you just come out of the closet?_

I burst inside the door. Luckily no-one was home.

_A coward._

I cant have anyone seeing me like this ,with tears streaming down my face, so pathetic. A loser.  
I am nothing but a worthless dyke, who can't even seems to keep her own secrets and feelings.

I start punching the wall, and I don't stop until I notice the blood dripping from my fist. I guess I wounded my arm.  
I go to the bathroom, open the medicine cabinet, wrap my arm with a bandage, and look for some pain killers. Shit. I cant find them..  
guess my parents hid them after they found out that Adam was my dealer..  
doesn't matter, I'll ask them later.

I'm just a bitch. No-one likes me. No-one loves me.  
Even Xavier hates me, and he's my own brother!  
my parents only notice me when I'm making something right(which is almost never..)

_She might not love you back._

Brittany didn't even ask me about it.

My life sucks.

I want to forget. To ease the pain.  
and the only way I can do that is with the help of one person.  
the one that won't care I'm only turning 18 next month..

I need Adam's help. Again.

I already forgot about the time I used to hang out with him.  
it was only two years ago, but the whole period of time I hang out with him, was blurry..

I grabbed my keys and wallet, and began my ride over to the bad part of town..

'Yo, Lopez!', the minute I got there Chris called for me. 'haven't seen you in a while there. Didn't you quit?' but then he got closer and he saw her face. ' whoa, are you crying?'  
'I don't want to talk about it.' I said,

'Do you need anything?'  
'Yeah, can you get Emily or Adam?'  
'sure, wait here'

I waited a few seconds,and then I heard some yelling and running and something crashed into me.

'I missed you so much!',said Emily, who was hugging me tightly now.  
I hugged her back,'I missed you too..'  
'what happened?'  
'can I talk to you outside for a minute?'  
'sure. Hey Chris, I'm going outside for a few minutes with Tana!'

We walked outside and sat down on the sidewalk.  
I looked at her for a moment.'You changed your hair.'  
her natural hair was brown. Now it was black with purple and blue stripes and at the ends of her hair.  
'Yeah, but you know I hated my hair, and besides, I needed something to do now and then, since Adam and I quit 3 months ago..'

She and Adam quit. I can't believe it. Now how the hell am I supposed to get it now?

'You quit?'

'Yeah,went to rehab for a few months, been clean for 6 months'  
'Damn it!' I yelled.  
'What? Don't tell me you want oxy. You quit 2 years ago!'  
'look, I don't want to talk about it, but it's been a shitty week. I need something.'  
'What happened?'  
'I said I don't want to talk about it!' I yelled getting up.  
'look, I'm just trying to help you'  
'I don't need your help.'  
'what happened to your hand?'  
I set myself to run.  
'Adam! Come here quick!' she started yelling.  
Adam quickly came outside.  
I started crying. I couldn't breath, and everything was starting to get dark.  
'Tana, you're having a panic attack. I need you to breath with me,OK? In and out, in and out'  
I was starting to breath better after a few minutes of that.

I woke up in a bed. I guess I fell asleep. There was already light outside.

'hey, I see you finally woke up'  
It was Emily.  
'hey, sorry for last night.'  
'It's fine, you needed to let it out.. now what happened?'  
'Do you remember what happened the night before my parents found out?'  
'ummm. I thought we weren't going to talk about '  
'someone in my glee club outed me, and now there's a commercial about it..'  
'what? Who did it? I'll kill him.'  
'let's not get into that..'  
'What do you mean? You almost relapsed because of him.'  
'look, I'm just going to go home.'  
'how about I come with you? In case you get the urge to do something.'  
'fine, but I don't know if my parents saw the commercial yet, so don't panic if they start yelling.'

We got to my house, and everything was quiet. the TV was playing quietly in the living room. We walked into the kitchen, and my parents were sitting there, not talking.  
'hey.' I said.  
'where the hell have you been?' my father asked.  
'I went over to Emily's and fell asleep.'  
'we saw the commercial' my mother said.  
I got pale. 'is it true?' my father asked.  
'yes.'  
my parents looked at each other.  
'you have an hour to pack your things, and then I want you to get out of my house, do you understand me?' my mother said.  
'what?'  
'we want you to get out of this house.'  
'but where am I supposed to live?'  
' we don't care. Just get out.'

Emily and I packed up my things, and got everything to my car.  
'where am I supposed to go?'  
'you can stay with Adam, Chris and me.'  
'are you sure this is a good idea?'  
'sure. You can sleep in one of the guest rooms.'

**How was it? Read and review!**

**I'll only update if people are interested in the story.**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thank you to anyone who read and reviewed the story!  
I'm glad you liked it..  
anyway- on with the story..  
TRIGGER WARNING!**_

Chapter 2:

We walked into their house and called for Adam and Chris to come help get my things. They didn't ask us what happened, just got my bags and comforted me. Then the left the room and only Emily and I were left to unpack my things.  
"Are you ok?" Emily asked me,  
"Yeah, I'm fine." I sighed, "I just didn't expect them to react that way. They are my parents. Aren't they supposed to love me no matter what?"  
"Well, there are those parents, and there are the parents that put their agenda before their kids. It's not about you. You're great, they suck. That's it."  
"No. it is my fault. Maybe if I weren't gay they'd love me more."  
"NO! Don't you get it? It's not your fault you're gay! It's their fault they can't accept that." Then she looked me in the eyes, "it's their fault that they can't accept an amazing daughter.."  
I looked into her beautiful blue eyes. They are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, just like I remembered.  
We both started to lean towards each other.

And then her phone rang. Damn it.  
She blushed, and looked at her phone with a puzzled look.  
"What?"  
" it's Xavier."  
"What? Why would he call you?"  
"Hello?" she answered him.  
"Yeah, she's here."

"Yeah, I was there"

"WHAT? No I don't think it's a good idea."

"You did what?"

"Yes, I heard you, I was just shocked."

"No. Xavier, I said no. Xa- and he hang up on me."  
"What did he say?"  
"Well, apparently, he punched your dad in the face, and he's coming over here."

_**So I know this was a very short chapter, but I promise I will write more this week.  
what did you think of this chapter? What do you think would happen next? And what would you like?  
read & review!**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author's note:**__**hey guys! I'm really sorry I didn't update sooner..  
I'm in the middle of exams, and I'm in senior year, so it's pretty stressful. I also had a half relapse on Sunday, so I'm not my best..  
anyway, here's the chapter.**_

Santana's POV:  
Why is he coming here? Doesn't he hate me right now?  
'I can't be here right now.' I said, and started to back away.  
'what are you talking about?' Emily asked me, a worried look on her face.  
I looked into her eyes, and I knew that she already knew where I was going with this. I ran into the bathroom and locked the door behind me.  
'Santana! Get out of there right now!'  
I didn't listen. I looked around, and then I realized that if they're clean, there's not going to be any pills laying around.  
'shit.'  
I opened the cabinet. There were a few soaps, a hair brush and a razor.  
I smiled, took the razor and threw it against the wall. It broke to pieces.  
'Santana! Please..' she kept calling ,and started to sound desperate.  
I took the blade and made the first cut. I felt so much relief. Nothing mattered anymore. This was the first time I've cut in months. Before I realized, there was already about ten new deep cut on my wrist.  
There was so much blood. But I didn't feel or think anything. And that's all that mattered. A second before I passed out from the blood loss, I've managed to unlock the door.  
then everything went black.

Emily's POV:  
the second I saw the desperate look in Santana's eyes, I knew what she was going to do.  
she started to run to the bathroom before I could do anything.  
I ran there and started pounding on the door.  
'Santana! Get out of there right now!'  
I heard her mumbling something, and then there was a sound of something breaking.  
' Santana! Please..' I begged. It killed me knowing what she was doing in there.  
that was when Xavier got there.  
'what's going on?'  
' it's Santana. She locked herself in the bathroom and she won't come out. she's hurting herself, and I can't her.' I was almost crying at that point.  
'what do you mean hurting herself?' he had this confused look on his face.  
'wait, you don't know?'  
'know what?'  
'do you know that Santana was addicted to oxy?'  
'well, yes, of course I know. I'm her brother. Do you have oxy in there?'  
'no. Adam and I have been clean for a few months. We don't have anything that can get you high.'  
'then what is it?'  
'Santana wasn't just addicted to drugs, she also hurt herself. From what I've seen, she never stopped.'  
suddenly, we heard the lock click. We burst through the door, and there was Santana, laying in a pool of her own blood. Xavier got pale, and I started calling for Adam.  
'don't worry san. You're going to be ok..'

_**Ok, so not what you expected, right?  
again I'm sorry it's really short, I'm working on my writing.  
read & review!**_


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